Lord Frankenfeeter


A Three Act Play of Sorts
English version by Wordydave
Characters:  – Lady Janella, most beautiful wife of Frankenfeeter
– Lord Frankenfeeter, stalwart husband of his beautiful wife

SCENE:  Lord Frankenfeeter’s enormous castle in far away Italy. The year is 1565. There has just been a grievous accident to Lord Frankenfeeter’s kicking foot. The whole land is devastated by the news that the young Lord will never play soccer again.



Alas! Sweet perfect pair! O, prized delights!
Methinks I durst not gaze upon thy wound
For fear of wounding more with careless sight!
O, fallen Champion! I, too, must swoon!

[Lady Janella faints at Lord Frankenfeeter’s feet]


O, double wound!  For now my heart is pierced!

[Lord Frankenfeeter hobbles to an open window and engages the night sky]

What misery attends us mortals, Moon!
M’lady faints because her love is fierce,
And I am plagued with far too much too soon!

[Lord Frankenfeeter hobbles back to Lady Janella, bends down and takes her in his arms]

Awake, my daunted dove and dare to smile!

[Lady Janella half wakes]


M’lord, I pray thee, let me sleep awhile.
I see thy pristine prancing in my dream –
A stalwart stag who storms along the stream.
Deny me not this dram, my doleful dear.
To sleep!  To dream!  To snore away the tears!

[Lady Janella swoons again]


O, choice companion, leave me not alone
To brave defeat! The moon is dumb, the stars
Are silent, and these shadowed walls are stone!
How can mortal wear such scourging scars?

[Lord Frankenfeeter hobbles back to the window]

Farewell, sweet life! Farewell, sweet wife! Adieu!
‘Tis better dreams preserve my perfect hue!

[Lord Frankenfeeter jumps out window as Lady Janella awakes in time
to see him airborne. She races to the window and looks down upon his
lifeless form]


LADY JANELLA: [with tears]

To be or not to be, that was the question.
The answer lies below – the secret learned –
The pavement teaches such a cruel lesson.
But hark!  How now?  His quite dead head doth turn!
Yea, doth turn and smile!  Doth even speak!

O quiet, pounding heart, for he doth seek
An audience before he flies away!
O, foolish Lord of mine, say on I pray!

[Lady Janella’s tears rain upon her fallen love]

LORD FRANKENFEETER: [in death throes]

Janella, dear, my Lady Fair, the dew
That drops from scented cheeks I’ll feel no more!
The face with sparkling eyes will fade from view!
I go a fool and with me goes footsore!
Hail, eternity!
I most humbly greet thee!

[Lord Frankenfeeter succumbs]


LADY JANELLA: [weeping profusely now]

O, brave – O, foolish knight, I love thee still!
Though motionless to eyes, my heart doth spy
The memory of faultless form and skill!
O, Frankenfeeter, I too must choose to die!

[Lady Janella climbs onto the window ledge, raising her arms
to moon and stars]

To live, to love, to lose life all too soon!
I call thee witness to my plight, O, Moon!
And as I float toward my long exile,
I beg of thee to somewhat hide thy smile.

[Lady Janella flies to her love who waits below]



Written for Jan and Frank, fellow
workers after Frank suffered a
nail in foot mishap at work.

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